SCOTTISH BOOKS

I recently e-mailed The Scottish Book Trust, asking if they reviewed works by independent authors. I sort of expected that they would answer me by saying, 'Thanks, but no thanks.' Instead, they did not bother to reply at all. I e-mailed them again, asking why they had not deigned to reply the first time, pointing out that even a one-word answer would have been better than none. Again, however, I received no reply. A good look over their website provides some kind of reason why they should be so rude.

They claim to be looking to promote reading in Scotland and to support Scottish writing. The truth is, however, that it is a particular type of Scottish writing that they want to support and promote. My work would not look right next to the pretentious claptrap of Alasdair Gray, whose writing seems to be put on a pedestal as something wonderful, even though it is shallow, inaccessible garbage. I was once given 'Lanark' to read by a friend and found it a worthless experience. I'd never encountered anything so self-indulgent and twee and wondered why it had been published at all.

The problem with the Arts in Scotland is that it suffers from trying too hard to be 'intellectual'. I think this stems in large part from the English perception of Scotland as full of monosyllabic drunks, junkies and gorgers on junk food. To counter this misconception a culture has arisen of 'overegging the pudding'. This extends to consumers as well as producers.

I remember as a teenager the feeling of superiority gained by sitting in a pub discussing Samuel Beckett, knowing that others around you are totally ignorant of the writer and his works. I think most folk go through this kind of stage, thinking that they're better than their parents and their peers because of what they read, the films they watch, the music they listen to etc. Some of us, however, get into our twenties and realise that the Emperor is naked and that we're not quite as clever as we thought we were. Many, though, continue to admire said monarch's new suit and expect to be looked up to because of it.

We can all be a bit snooty about the likes of Hello magazine or Katie Price's new book but, in reality, we know that people actually enjoy these pieces of writing. Many, however, take this snobbery to extremes and will look down their nose at anything that is in any way popular or populist. But isn't reading meant to be a pleasurable activity?

When I was a teacher I used to take in all my old comic annuals, like the Dandy and Beano (I've got a good collection - and still read them!) into my class for my pupils to enjoy. Whenever they had time they would dive on these books and actually read them, instead of just holding a book up to hide behind while they chatted. A senior teacher expressed her displeasure at this, 'School is the only opportunity these children get to be exposed to quality literature,' she said. She couldn't answer me when I asked her to define 'quality literature'.

Not long after, I went to Portugal on holiday. I took up my usual position at the poolside, with a bottle of lager, my fags and a book of science-fiction short stories. A Scottish man sitting nearby said that he couldn't understand why anyone would take a book on holiday with him. To him there was nothing pleasurable about reading at all.

I related this story to that senior teacher when the new term started. Needless to say, she backed down and my class were able to enjoy reading about Biffo the Bear, Dennis the Menace and Minnie the Minx. They would continue to see reading as a pleasure and might even read some 'quality literature' later on in life.

Which brings me back to where I started. The Scottish Book Trust, despite its avowed aims, is not there to promote reading; not as a pleasurable activity anyway. It is there to promote an elitist idea of Scottish literature and to perpetuate a snobbery about books.

To give but one example, take the children's books they promote, supposedly written in the 'language that Scottish children speak.' They are, in fact, written in old, Robert-Burns-style Scottish, which nobody has spoken for a couple of hundred years. Any child reading these books would need recourse to a glossary. So they're not written in the language that the children speak, but in the language that some elitist adult thinks they should speak.

The Scottish Book Trust also runs competitions to find new authors. The winner, however, does not get a publishing deal. Instead, you get a grant so you can take a short time off work in order for established writers to help you to make your work 'better'. In other words, anything that anyone outside the clique writes is unsuitable and has to be made to fit.

No doubt I sound bitter. Am I? You bet I am! I don't publish my books independently because they're not good enough for publishing houses. It might well be that they're not that great; that's for others to decide. The fact is, however, that a look round a Scottish bookshop or on the Scottish Book Trust website, shows the sort of pretentious cack that they want to publish in Scotland. So why should I waste my time and money sending an MS to different publishers and agencies when I know in advance what their answer is going to be?