A CAUTIONARY CHRISTMAS TALE

I suffered toothache over the Christmas period and had to take painkillers until I could get treatment. I managed to get an emergency appointment at the Dental Hospital, where the offending molar had to be removed. I went home, took more painkillers, and had a sleep to get over things. I awoke to a pain-free mouth and all my troubles over; or so I thought.

I realised that, during my invalidity, I had not made my customary visits to the lavvy. I won't go into details, however there might have been a Christmas Number 1 this year, but no Number 2! An examination of the packaging of the painkillers I'd been taking, Co-Codamol, elicited the fact that one of the drug's side effects was constipation.

Now, I thought I had suffered constipation in the past but this was on a whole new level. I drank tons of water to help alleviate things, which it eventually did. This did not stop me, however, from grunting and squealing like a stuck pig and at one point screaming out for an epidural! A huge load finally off my mind, I thought that was that.

Now, however, I feel as if I have been gang-raped by a herd of elephants and have to walk gingerly and not make sudden movements. Even coughing makes me feel like I'm suffering a prolapse! Part of me longs for the good old days last week when I had the toothache.

The moral of the story? 
Read the packet BEFORE you take anything!